October 13, 2005

I need some balance

I'm just feeling a bit overwhelmed over here...today just wasn't the greatest day...bad me went to bed too late last night, I couldn't sleep cause I was just bone chillin' cold...not sure why. Super tired today, didn't want to get out of bed, and probably would have been better off staying there. Though I think I realized that I need to lay off the coffee...even though it does help to wake me up, it for whatever reason not only makes me tense but I become very irritated and mean. Don't like it...need to lay off that stuff.

Not only that, my relationship with God has been lacking lately. To be honest ever since Pastor Dean and Pastor Lisa left I've just honestly have strugglged bad with my Christian walk. I mean I haven't turned my back on God or anything drastic like that, I just don't feel as close to God like I had been. I know that is solely my fault. I have devotions and read my Bible some, but my prayer life is not consistent like it used to be. I mean if my life was more consistent it sure would be a lot easier. With getting Austin & Brennan off to school, taking care of Colton and the twins during the day...it's tough. I've tried the getting up early thing...doesn't work so well since I tend to be a night owl. I really need to get a balance and grip on this part of my life...I think that is why I'm struggling so much in other areas of my life.

As I said today was not a great day. I prayed in the basement today while I was doing laundry...Lord give me strength, I get upstairs and the phone rings...it's my sister Wendy. I end up spending over an hour arguing with her on the phone about the Kid's Bibles the church bought...she is one person who can upset me quicker than anyone. She's so opinionated...and she's always got to be right. You know how that there are those people in your life who can build you up and refresh you and those who tear you down or just suck the life right out of ya...That's Wendy...she just sucks the life right out of me. I got off the phone with her and had to call Kevin just to hear his voice...just to comfort me. I just wanted to cry and bang my head on the floor. Then I prayed for strength this afternoon and Alexis stuck a VHS tape in backwards in the VCR...I finally just went upstairs and just took time to just pray...and the day did go a bit better after that. Lord forgive me for trying to do things myself and not putting you first. I can't do this without your help...please help me to draw closer to you.

My life seems to be in overdrive...all the things I need to do, all that I want to do, all that I have to do...there are days that if I really sit down to think about it, I'll start giving myself a panic attack.

Oh, also to go along with the day, Brennan's teacher Mrs. Knoff talked to me and said that Brennan has for the last two days totally refused to talk at all to his speech teacher. I guess she wasn't very happy with him. And Mrs. Knoff says that Brennan needs to speak up in class...he talks to softly. He's a shy little guy...I don't know how to break him of that...don't know if I ever will. That's just how he is people...please try to understand my little guy instead of pigeon holing him into what the average school kid is. School can be such a pain...if I knew I could I would homeschool.

Well I think I'm done talking about my not so great day...better go help Kevin get the boys in bed. Until next time...


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