I feel like i'm in a rut...
Today wasn't a bad day, it wasn't a good day...it was just a day...and another long one. I feel like my wheels are turning anymore and not going anywhere...I'm just in the same spot...just a different day. I'm not depressed, I'm not happy, I'm just not anything and that's what bothers me. I feel like I'm in the season of "children"...right in the thick of it and I'm lost...I've lost myself, among taking care of the kids, babysitting the twins, trying to keep this house together, doing church stuff...I feel like I'm lost and not sure where I am...I'm just existing.
Got a call from Pastor Rod today about leading worship until further notice until Joann can get back on her feet...it looks like she does have mono. Scares me to lead worship again. I just don't feel worthy to do it. I'm not the best christian, not the worst either...I mean, there are those I think would be far more worthy to do it. I just don't think I do that great of a job. I just hope that God is pleased and that His name is exalted that is all...that's all that matters right? I DON'T want people seeing me in worship...I want them to see GOD...it's just something I've struggled with since I began doing this...I just want to do a good job for God.
Kevin & I are so in need of a getaway. We are hoping to get away as a family next weekend (we are hoping to see Pastor Dean, Rachel & Pastor Lisa at their new church). I would love to go away for the whole weekend...that would be so sweet and so so needed. Kevin is just so burned out doing this supervisor work...tonight he didn't get home until 7:40...and he only got a 45 minute lunch and he went in at 5:15 this morning.
Had the option to clean my kitchen and bathroom tonight or play games with the boys and for a change I left the mess lay and played with the boys...we played Bingo and dino dominoes and had a blast. Sometimes I just have to tell myself to let them dust bunnies lie...my boys are growing up way too fast and hey them stinkin' dust bunnies will always be there...for tonight they get to live. :-)
Well I'm going to call it a night and try to get some rest and read. Been reading the book of Ecclesiastes...I love that book for some reason. When my life seems to be going out of control, for whatever reason that book puts things in perspective for me. Reading chapter 3 tonight...to everything there is a season...
God bless ya!