April 17, 2006


It's so hard not to give in to the same old thing....ever feel that way?? Today was kind of a hard day for me...though it ended better...

Today I had to take my oldest son Austin to the hospital for an EKG because the doctor thought he had a heart murmur. Still of course waiting for the results on that, but it was a stressful day. No mother wants to hear that something is wrong with their child. Though the doctor told me that it's not uncommon, that some children grow out of it...nothing to be too concerned about. I prayed to God when we went to the doctor last week..."God please take this and make it go away, but if you choose not to, then give me and Austin the strength to get through it." Thing is when it got to today I was hoping that hubby was going with us for the test, though unfortunately work got in the way. I was upset and things didn't go well there...Felt bad...felt bad cause I should have allowed God's strength to sustain me and instead I was trying to rely on hubby to do that...bad me. Just struggling with trying to see God's purpose for this...give it to me...don't give it to my kids. I know I'm probably making so much out of so little...oh well.

Though the neighbors made it a bit easier for me...gotta love them. They watch the other two boys today while I took Austin to the hospital. Then I had them over for some leftover lasagna and we played dominos. Got my mind off of things, which I needed badly. Thank you Lord for friends!

Well got some things I need to get taken care of before bed, but just needed to share that.

Help me Lord to truly lean on you and to trust you better.

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