The Road Ahead...

First of all....I may not be going to Scrap Camp this year...Sister bailed on me and it will cost me an extra $ 40.00 to stay at the lodge by myself....or succumb to staying in the dusty circa. 1940's cabins that were probably cleaned about then bunking with 8 other women...why is it when I get the chance to get away...the chance to do something I like to do...there is always a glitch....I feel guilty for going alone since I really put hubby in a bind with watching the kids and getting someone to watch them while he's at work...and then of course there is the $$ issue...the money could truly be used for more important things...then there is the little hints that hubby says that honestly tells me that going is really not the best idea, but he doesn't honestly want to come right out and say it for fear of hurting my feelings...you know the "Go and do what you want honey...it's whatever you want to do..." I know that line....rats....thing is I'll lose $ 10.00 for cancelling now....if my sister would have told me last week I would have received a full refund...oh well.



The Road Ahead...

On to other things that have been plaguing my mind...been thinking a lot about the future...more specifically the next year...so much happening in my life come next year. I'll be turning 40 for one thing...YIKES!! When did that happen! Then there is the issue that all my babies will be in school next year....Mommy will be free, for part of the day anyway....been seriously thinking about what I will do...will I get a part time job? Stay home and watch the twins twice a week? Stay at home and do eBay? Volunteer at the school or church?? Stay at home and just craft my little heart out? What am I going to do??? I feel like I felt when I was getting ready to graduate from high school....so many doors opening up...so much to choose...will I make the right choice? I have that deer in the headlight look right about now...I know it's not until August when all these changes will take place, but I don't want to wait until then to make a decision....I want to have this thought out....I want to make sure I make the right decision...I have been a stay at home mom for lets see now....almost 7 years now...I have the 7 year itch to go out and be amongst adults again...enough Disney channel already...I think I've earned that right....somewhat...I'll never stop being a Mom....yet I want what every mom wants...a job from 9-3 would be great so I can be home for the kids. The one dilemma that I have is that the twins will still need a sitter twice a week next year...now I certainly don't get rich watching the twins not that I had any intention to...I pretty much do it out of kindess to my friends...after all $ 10 a day for each is not much at all when I watch them 8+ hours a day. Do I still want to do that next year?? What if she can't find another sitter especially for what I charge...I know I'll feel guilty. Do I want to go back to my old job...and even if I did would I get morning hours so I could be with my kids?? So much to think about....my brain just won't shut it off...Maybe you out there who may have gone through this situation can give me some insight...what were your struggles...what helped you...I know I'm going to be putting a lot of prayer into this...I won't make this decision without God, but just so much to think about and consider....and I can't believe that I've reached this crossroad in my life already. My oldest will be ten next year after all!! 10!!! Time goes way tooo quickly....

Sorry for the long post, but I just HAD to get that off my chest (and brain)....hope you are all having a safe and glorious week!